Sunday, July 10, 2011
rEaLiTy BiTeS
Why won't life stop & let me regroup?Why won't it give me a break?
Why wasn't I born a princess?
Why can't ANYTHING be easy?
Why do I have to be strong? I don't want to be.
Why can't I just sleep for days?
That's what I want to do right now.
I know....I should be a motovational speaker.
Why wasn't I born a princess?
Why can't ANYTHING be easy?
Why do I have to be strong? I don't want to be.
Why can't I just sleep for days?
That's what I want to do right now.
I know....I should be a motovational speaker.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
:)
Through all of this CrAp, I have been So LuCkY to have the friends and supporters that I DO have.
THANK you for standing by me through all my changes and crap lately.
xoxox
THANK you for standing by me through all my changes and crap lately.
xoxox
My Therapy
GAWD I've missed being an unproductive loser.
I mean, just a TEENY TINY bit.
I have just spent five & a half hours in my underwear reading, drinking diet coke, eating a big ass bag of chips for breakfast an hanging out with my dogs & listening to podcasts. Yesterday I was on the verge of a break down, today.....today I'm WAY better.
I am a rollar coaster, man.
But sometimes I just need down time to back my brain up before I add more to have to work through.
I just needed a little alone time to just CoMpLeTeLy waste. Which I haven't done in what feel like a MONTH.
Ahhhhhhh.
Now for the rest of the day:
Shop
Go to Cable Store
Get Eyebrows Waxed
Laundry
I KNOW. I KNOW.
I am a jetsetter.
I should call hubs. Last night he told me I better never show my face there or he'd "fuck me up". Of course he weighs 114 pounds. I could just sit on him if he tried.
Stay out of trouble everyone! Have some Ice Cream!
BTW....isn't my colorful quilt CUTE?? My Sister In Laws got it for me.
xoxoxo
SonOfABitch.
SERIOUSLY???!!!
Yeah, let's cut funding to Planned Parenthood. THAT will save us money in the long run!
THEN let's bitch when unplanned pregnancies go up.
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2011/06/22/2011-06-22_wisconsin_to_defund_planned_parenthood_joins_indiana_kansas_and_north_carolina.html#ixzz1RckhDt00
Wisconsin is set to become the fourth state to defund Planned Parenthood.
Republican Gov. Scott Walker is expected to sign off on a state budget that would eliminate federal and state funding to nine of the state's 27 Planned Parenthood centers by the end of the month.
Wisconsin will join Indiana, Kansas and North Carolina in passing similar legislation. Each cut funding to the health care and abortion provider earlier this year.
The state's Legislature passed the $66 billion budget on June 16. That includes a $1 million cut to Planned Parenthood. All the Republicans and one independant voted in favor of the plan while all the Democrats opposed it.
Republican state Sen. Glenn Grothman argued that the new budget doesn't cut enough funding from Planned Parenthood.
"There's a very ugly side to this organization, and I regret that they're going to take such a tiny cut in this budget," Grothman said.
Wisconsin only provides funding for the nine health centers that are facing budget cuts.
Planned Parenthood is already barred from using federal funds to perform most abortions, but is the largest abortion provider in the U.S. and a frequent target of pro-life advocates.
The nine clinics that will be affected by the budget cuts provide low-cost health care to approximately 12,000 uninsured women.
Teri Huyck, president of Planned Parenthood Advocates of Wisconsin, said she is disappointed that political ideology will take precedence over health care.
"It is greatly disturbing to me that some politicians' personal beliefs are trumping our shared responsibility to make sure women and men have access to preventive reproductive health care, which is not only essential for their own lives, but also a cost-saver for all Wisconsin taxpayers," Huyck said in a statement.
Planned Parenthood came under the national spotlight during this year's budget talks. The GOP unsuccessfully pushed an amendment to eliminate the organization's federal funding
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2011/06/22/2011-06-22_wisconsin_to_defund_planned_parenthood_joins_indiana_kansas_and_north_carolina.html#ixzz1RckudZ1S
Yeah, let's cut funding to Planned Parenthood. THAT will save us money in the long run!
THEN let's bitch when unplanned pregnancies go up.
Wisconsin to defund Planned Parenthood, joins Indiana, Kansas and North Carolina
Wednesday, June 22nd 2011, 12:58 PM
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2011/06/22/2011-06-22_wisconsin_to_defund_planned_parenthood_joins_indiana_kansas_and_north_carolina.html#ixzz1RckhDt00
Wisconsin is set to become the fourth state to defund Planned Parenthood.
Republican Gov. Scott Walker is expected to sign off on a state budget that would eliminate federal and state funding to nine of the state's 27 Planned Parenthood centers by the end of the month.
Wisconsin will join Indiana, Kansas and North Carolina in passing similar legislation. Each cut funding to the health care and abortion provider earlier this year.
The state's Legislature passed the $66 billion budget on June 16. That includes a $1 million cut to Planned Parenthood. All the Republicans and one independant voted in favor of the plan while all the Democrats opposed it.
Republican state Sen. Glenn Grothman argued that the new budget doesn't cut enough funding from Planned Parenthood.
"There's a very ugly side to this organization, and I regret that they're going to take such a tiny cut in this budget," Grothman said.
Wisconsin only provides funding for the nine health centers that are facing budget cuts.
Planned Parenthood is already barred from using federal funds to perform most abortions, but is the largest abortion provider in the U.S. and a frequent target of pro-life advocates.
The nine clinics that will be affected by the budget cuts provide low-cost health care to approximately 12,000 uninsured women.
Teri Huyck, president of Planned Parenthood Advocates of Wisconsin, said she is disappointed that political ideology will take precedence over health care.
"It is greatly disturbing to me that some politicians' personal beliefs are trumping our shared responsibility to make sure women and men have access to preventive reproductive health care, which is not only essential for their own lives, but also a cost-saver for all Wisconsin taxpayers," Huyck said in a statement.
Planned Parenthood came under the national spotlight during this year's budget talks. The GOP unsuccessfully pushed an amendment to eliminate the organization's federal funding
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2011/06/22/2011-06-22_wisconsin_to_defund_planned_parenthood_joins_indiana_kansas_and_north_carolina.html#ixzz1RckudZ1S
RIP Betty Ford
I just always thought she was freaking cool
Her death Friday was confirmed to The Associated Press by Marty Allen, chairman emeritus of the Ford Foundation. Family spokeswoman Barbara Lewandrowski said later that the former first lady died at the Eisenhower Medical Center in Rancho Mirage. Other details of her death were not immediately available.
"She was a wonderful wife and mother; a great friend; and a courageous First Lady," former President George H.W. Bush said in a statement on Friday. "No one confronted life's struggles with more fortitude or honesty, and as a result, we all learned from the challenges she faced."
While her husband served as president, Ford's comments weren't the kind of genteel, innocuous talk expected from a first lady, and a Republican one no less. Her unscripted comments sparked tempests in the press and dismayed President Gerald Ford's advisers, who were trying to soothe the national psyche after Watergate. But to the scandal-scarred, Vietnam-wearied, hippie-rattled nation, Mrs. Ford's openness was refreshing.
And 1970s America loved her for it.
According to Mrs. Ford, her young adult children probably had smoked marijuana – and if she were their age, she'd try it, too. She told "60 Minutes" she wouldn't be surprised to learn that her youngest, 18-year-old Susan, was in a sexual relationship (an embarrassed Susan issued a denial).
She mused that living together before marriage might be wise, thought women should be drafted into the military if men were, and spoke up unapologetically for abortion rights, taking a position contrary to the president's. "Having babies is a blessing, not a duty," Mrs. Ford said.
"Mother's love, candor, devotion, and laughter enriched our lives and the lives of the millions she touched throughout this great nation," her family said in a statement released late Friday. "To be in her presence was to know the warmth of a truly great lady."
Candor worked for Betty Ford, again and again. She would build an enduring legacy by opening up the toughest times of her life as public example.
RIP Ms. Ford
From Slate.Com:
Betty Ford Dies: Former First Lady Dead At Age 93
LOS ANGELES -- Betty Ford, the former first lady whose triumph over drug and alcohol addiction became a beacon of hope for addicts and the inspiration for her Betty Ford Center in California, died at age 93, a family friend said late Friday.Her death Friday was confirmed to The Associated Press by Marty Allen, chairman emeritus of the Ford Foundation. Family spokeswoman Barbara Lewandrowski said later that the former first lady died at the Eisenhower Medical Center in Rancho Mirage. Other details of her death were not immediately available.
"She was a wonderful wife and mother; a great friend; and a courageous First Lady," former President George H.W. Bush said in a statement on Friday. "No one confronted life's struggles with more fortitude or honesty, and as a result, we all learned from the challenges she faced."
While her husband served as president, Ford's comments weren't the kind of genteel, innocuous talk expected from a first lady, and a Republican one no less. Her unscripted comments sparked tempests in the press and dismayed President Gerald Ford's advisers, who were trying to soothe the national psyche after Watergate. But to the scandal-scarred, Vietnam-wearied, hippie-rattled nation, Mrs. Ford's openness was refreshing.
And 1970s America loved her for it.
According to Mrs. Ford, her young adult children probably had smoked marijuana – and if she were their age, she'd try it, too. She told "60 Minutes" she wouldn't be surprised to learn that her youngest, 18-year-old Susan, was in a sexual relationship (an embarrassed Susan issued a denial).
She mused that living together before marriage might be wise, thought women should be drafted into the military if men were, and spoke up unapologetically for abortion rights, taking a position contrary to the president's. "Having babies is a blessing, not a duty," Mrs. Ford said.
"Mother's love, candor, devotion, and laughter enriched our lives and the lives of the millions she touched throughout this great nation," her family said in a statement released late Friday. "To be in her presence was to know the warmth of a truly great lady."
Candor worked for Betty Ford, again and again. She would build an enduring legacy by opening up the toughest times of her life as public example.
RIP Ms. Ford
My Girlfriends Coulda Told YaThis!
The jig is up — guys like to cuddle more
*Link*
By Kimberly Hayes Taylor
But her husband, David Rudolph, a public relations professional, says he desires deeper intimacy.
"I really appreciate it when she holds my hand or slides closer to me on the sofa,” says Rudolph, 44. “It’s more important for me to get hugged and touched; everything doesn’t have to be about having sex.”
Couples in the study that frequently hugged, kissed and caressed their partners and had sex more often reported being more sexually satisfied, researchers found. Both men and women noted being happier the longer they stayed together. For women, the sex got better the longer the couple was together. Those who'd been with their partner for 15 years or more reported an increase is sexual satisfaction.
In other findings, Japanese men reported significantly (2.61 times) more sexual satisfaction in their relationships than American men, and Japanese and Brazilian women were more likely to report sexual satisfaction than American women. Generally, men were more likely to be happy if they were healthy, and their partners had orgasms.“This is an important study because it shows people can be in relationships for decades and still enjoy healthy, vibrant sexuality,” says Michael Sand, study co-author and clinical sexologist at Boehringer-Ingelheim Pharmaceuticals in Richfield, Conn. “A lot of stuff we hear in the media is fueled by popular press, anecdotes and information people take as a given. It’s a stereotype; it’s not what we have as reality in research.”
Tenderness more important to men than women in long relationships, new Kinsey study finds
*Link*
By Kimberly Hayes Taylor
msnbc.com contributor msnbc.com contributor
updated 7/6/2011 12:50:10 PM ET2011-07-06T16:50:10
But her husband, David Rudolph, a public relations professional, says he desires deeper intimacy.
"I really appreciate it when she holds my hand or slides closer to me on the sofa,” says Rudolph, 44. “It’s more important for me to get hugged and touched; everything doesn’t have to be about having sex.”
Couples in the study that frequently hugged, kissed and caressed their partners and had sex more often reported being more sexually satisfied, researchers found. Both men and women noted being happier the longer they stayed together. For women, the sex got better the longer the couple was together. Those who'd been with their partner for 15 years or more reported an increase is sexual satisfaction.
In other findings, Japanese men reported significantly (2.61 times) more sexual satisfaction in their relationships than American men, and Japanese and Brazilian women were more likely to report sexual satisfaction than American women. Generally, men were more likely to be happy if they were healthy, and their partners had orgasms.“This is an important study because it shows people can be in relationships for decades and still enjoy healthy, vibrant sexuality,” says Michael Sand, study co-author and clinical sexologist at Boehringer-Ingelheim Pharmaceuticals in Richfield, Conn. “A lot of stuff we hear in the media is fueled by popular press, anecdotes and information people take as a given. It’s a stereotype; it’s not what we have as reality in research.”
Friday, July 8, 2011
Today I Lost My Shit
"I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish."
— Anne LamottToday I lost my sheeeot.
I had a long day of work, and I have so much on my mind. Hubs keeps repeatedly swearing at me and treating me with such anger. He's trying to escape the rehab place. He's telling the nursing staff he hates me. He's leaving horrible messages for me. (Ones like: "Don't you EVER show your face around here of will fuck you up. You are a peice of shit for leaving me in here for a month and a half!".....it's been two weeks.) I really am afraid that he will get out and try to hurt me. The "Old Him" would never physically hurt me. I feel like the "New Him" would. I don't feel safe and feeling afraid pisses me off and gives me NO PEACE.
All I do is freaking chase around. It's HOT out. Traffic sucked. I couldn't find a place I was looking for that was right in front of my face. It was a day that making a grocery list just felt like too much to do.
But I did get some stuff done that I needed to. And I put on my new bedspread. The bright colored quilt my Sister In Laws bought me. One that hubs would NEVER have let me get in the past. I removed the ugly pic that has hung in our bedroom for years. I went grocery shopping for things that only I like and want. And tomorrow I am cancelling his cable he never uses.
I don't know what the future holds and I can't tell you how much that sucks for me. I prefer to plan and right now I'm having a hell of a time planning anything. I have SO MUCH to still be greatful for....I hope this feeling passes quickly.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
My Day Today...
I have PMS. So, I'm dangerous. I'm hungry, I'm tired, I have more to do than time & I want to be lazy & life refuses to allow me the luxury.
So I started the day pouting.
I drove to work, I stopped at my usual place for coffee, I had my morning telephone conversation with Mr. *Right* (He always thinks he's right), and I went to work.
And weeded.
I weeded a weed patch.
I lugged and wrestled hoses.
I yelled at testy sprinklers.
During a water break my friend Bambi handed me a gift bag. With a card telling me to hang in there, a little statue of a cardinal, and a tiny pillow with the letters OMG on it. (Private jokes, but very meaningful.) We had such a nice conversation and in the middle of me talking she said to me:
"JENNIFER! You really are SO PRETTY! I'm not gay or anything, but I just had to say that."
At the time I had dirt smeared ALL over my face. LOL. Oh well, I'll take compliments where I can get em.
And then I went back and weeded a creek bank bead. And Bob The Old Guy came and laughed at my unsteadiness and asked me why my hair was two colors and I asked him if he had anything better to do and what did HE do all day? "Stand and boss people around" is the answer I got. I tol him to go back to doing that.
And I weeded some more.
When the day ended I went to the nursing home and had a decent visit with the hub. Until I told him no and he opted for company with a resident over me. Silly man left his phone in his room. And I answered it. And it was his friend John. Let's just say his "Escape Plan" for Monday Morning has been foiled. LOL. John said hubs also asked him to "Bring a bag."
"Oh...probably to pack all his stuff in." I said.
"Uh, no....a uh.....*bag*" He said again.
"Yeah. To pack up his stuff." I repeated.
"No...a *bag of recreation".
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
I really AM dense sometimes.
ANWAYS...I left the nursing home and came home to large dog poop all over the living room.
I love my life.
I pray tomorrow will be better.
So I started the day pouting.
I drove to work, I stopped at my usual place for coffee, I had my morning telephone conversation with Mr. *Right* (He always thinks he's right), and I went to work.
And weeded.
I weeded a weed patch.
I lugged and wrestled hoses.
I yelled at testy sprinklers.
During a water break my friend Bambi handed me a gift bag. With a card telling me to hang in there, a little statue of a cardinal, and a tiny pillow with the letters OMG on it. (Private jokes, but very meaningful.) We had such a nice conversation and in the middle of me talking she said to me:
"JENNIFER! You really are SO PRETTY! I'm not gay or anything, but I just had to say that."
At the time I had dirt smeared ALL over my face. LOL. Oh well, I'll take compliments where I can get em.
And then I went back and weeded a creek bank bead. And Bob The Old Guy came and laughed at my unsteadiness and asked me why my hair was two colors and I asked him if he had anything better to do and what did HE do all day? "Stand and boss people around" is the answer I got. I tol him to go back to doing that.
And I weeded some more.
When the day ended I went to the nursing home and had a decent visit with the hub. Until I told him no and he opted for company with a resident over me. Silly man left his phone in his room. And I answered it. And it was his friend John. Let's just say his "Escape Plan" for Monday Morning has been foiled. LOL. John said hubs also asked him to "Bring a bag."
"Oh...probably to pack all his stuff in." I said.
"Uh, no....a uh.....*bag*" He said again.
"Yeah. To pack up his stuff." I repeated.
"No...a *bag of recreation".
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
I really AM dense sometimes.
ANWAYS...I left the nursing home and came home to large dog poop all over the living room.
I love my life.
I pray tomorrow will be better.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Crazy Train Life.
I love this song. I wish the intro could play everytime I enter a room. THAT would be AWESOME!!
Peaple have called me crazy before. I'm on the impulsive side. I go off. I'm on the dramatic side...or "passionate" or "expressive" as I prefer to call myself. Which is FINE, if it' all in fun.
But lately...my life is crazy all on it's own.
Do you know what happens THEN?
I am forced to be a sane person.
I am forced to be a responsible adult....finally, at age 40.
So today I paid my daily visit to my husband at the rehab facility/ nursing home. (YESTERDAY, we actually had a nice visit.) TODAY, it wasn't so good. His blood sugars were running high. He was irritable. He says he's escaping on Friday and has a ride. (I don't know who the ride is. He won't tell me.) I told him that if he came home, he'd be brought back.
He said "By WHO? YOU can't get me iin the car."
I said no.
"A COP? YOU can't have a COP bring me here!"
I said, "Yes I can".
And then the swearing started.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!"
I said if this was the way the visit was going to go, I'd have to leave.
"Then GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" He screamed at me like a crazy person.
"Have a nice night" I said. I set the grapes that I brought for him on his tray table. (He constantly complains about the food there so I try to bring him a treat when I visit) I started to walk out of his room hearing behind me repeated screams of "FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUUUUUUCK YOU!"
I crossed paths with a charge nurse as I was leaving and he gave me a "Probably for the best that you leave" look.
He has since left me two messages on my voice mail that he is coming home, he has a ride and there is nothing I can do about it so "FUCK YOU" and another that he's not going to eat anymore food there.
My life is CRAZY right now.
And I am forced to be the sane one.
Being crazy is WAY more fun.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Finally....the end to a LONG day.
Ah....finally sat down with my Sangria with a fruit salad in it. LOL. What a day. Something about sweating my ass off and getting dirtier & smellier that I can remember and getting in a cool tub and cleaning it all off and feeling like an actual GIRL again.
I had a visit with hubs today that could ALMOST be described as pleasant after a nightmare one yesterday & a couple of threatening phone calls in the evening from him, one threatening to take his camper he bought without my knowledge and take off. I asked the nurse to order a psyche consult, which she did.
On days when I can remove myself from any hope for a certain outcome, it seems like things turn out.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know that today, right now, sitting in my airconditioning & feeling sqeeky clean....I am ALMOST....almost...feeling peaceful for the first time in quite a while.
So...I just want to enjoy it for the moment. :)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Scorpio Week Ahead....*Love Focus*
Your Week Ahead - Love Focus: You deserve a little happiness. Well, actually, you deserve a lot. A little will do to begin with, though. And, if it is the right kind of little, it will mean a lot to you. I am going to stick with the word 'little'. It is a good word. It says all that needs to be said about the amount of effort that you now need to make - or the amount of change that has to be brought about. Here too, you may think that you need a lot. But you don't. A little (of the right type) will more than suffice. You'll soon encounter a little bit of magic! Someone will make a small, but sincere, gesture that means the world to you.
*Little??? Snort.*
*Little??? Snort.*
Noooooooo! I LOVE my Diet COKE!!!! :(
Diet Coke is my *Crack*
From CBS News.Com:
New study is wake-up call for diet soda drinkers
(CBS) Sorry, soda lovers - even diet drinks can make you fat.
That's the word from authors of two new studies, presented Sunday at a meeting of the American Diabetes Association in San Diego.
"Data from this and other prospective studies suggest that the promotion of diet sodas as healthy alternatives may be ill-advised" Dr. Helen Hazuda, professor of medicine at University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio, said in a written statement. "They may be free of calories, but not of consequences."
Consequences like weight gain.
For one study, researchers at the center followed 474 diet soda drinkers, 65 to 74 years of age, for almost 10 years. They found that diet soda drinkers' waists grew 70 percent more than non-drinkers. Specifically, drinking two or more diet sodas a day busted belt sizes five times more than people who avoided the stuff entirely.
And as waist size grows, so do health risks - including diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and other chronic conditions.
Just how does diet soda make you fat? The other study may hold the answer. In it, researchers divided mice into two groups, one of which ate food laced with the popular sweetener aspartame. After three months, the mice eating aspartame-chow had higher blood sugar levels than the mice eating normal food. The authors said in a written statement their findings could "contribute to the associations observed between diet soda consumption and the risk of diabetes in humans."
But how?
"Artificial sweeteners could have the effect of triggering appetite but unlike regular sugars they don't deliver something that will squelch the appetite," Sharon Fowler, obesity researcher at UT Health Science Center at San Diego and a co-author on both of these studies, told the Daily Mail. She also said sweeteners could inhibit brain cells that make you feel full.
So if sugar soda is no good, and diet soda isn't either - what should we be drinking?
Dr. Hazuda told the Daily Mail, "I think prudence would dictate drinking water."
From CBS News.Com:
New study is wake-up call for diet soda drinkers
(CBS) Sorry, soda lovers - even diet drinks can make you fat.
That's the word from authors of two new studies, presented Sunday at a meeting of the American Diabetes Association in San Diego.
"Data from this and other prospective studies suggest that the promotion of diet sodas as healthy alternatives may be ill-advised" Dr. Helen Hazuda, professor of medicine at University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio, said in a written statement. "They may be free of calories, but not of consequences."
Consequences like weight gain.
For one study, researchers at the center followed 474 diet soda drinkers, 65 to 74 years of age, for almost 10 years. They found that diet soda drinkers' waists grew 70 percent more than non-drinkers. Specifically, drinking two or more diet sodas a day busted belt sizes five times more than people who avoided the stuff entirely.
And as waist size grows, so do health risks - including diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and other chronic conditions.
Just how does diet soda make you fat? The other study may hold the answer. In it, researchers divided mice into two groups, one of which ate food laced with the popular sweetener aspartame. After three months, the mice eating aspartame-chow had higher blood sugar levels than the mice eating normal food. The authors said in a written statement their findings could "contribute to the associations observed between diet soda consumption and the risk of diabetes in humans."
But how?
"Artificial sweeteners could have the effect of triggering appetite but unlike regular sugars they don't deliver something that will squelch the appetite," Sharon Fowler, obesity researcher at UT Health Science Center at San Diego and a co-author on both of these studies, told the Daily Mail. She also said sweeteners could inhibit brain cells that make you feel full.
So if sugar soda is no good, and diet soda isn't either - what should we be drinking?
Dr. Hazuda told the Daily Mail, "I think prudence would dictate drinking water."
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY WEEKEND!!! :)
Hope everyone is enjoying every second this weekend.
xooxoxoxoxxo
Saturday, July 2, 2011
My FAVORITE summer DRINK.....SANGRIA!
Try it! You'll LIKE it!
Ingredients
Ingredients
- 1/2 cup brandy
- 1/4 cup lemon juice
- 1/3 cup frozen lemonade concentrate
- 1/3 cup orange juice
- 1 (750 milliliter) bottle dry red wine
- 1/2 cup triple sec
- 1 lemon, sliced into rounds
- 1 orange, sliced into rounds
- 1 lime, sliced into rounds
- 1/4 cup white sugar (optional)
- 8 maraschino cherries
- 2 cups carbonated water (optional)
Directions
- In a large pitcher or bowl, mix together the brandy, lemon juice, lemonade concentrate, orange juice, red wine, triple sec, and sugar. Float slices of lemon, orange and lime, and maraschino cherries in the mixture. Refrigerate overnight for best flavor. For a fizzy sangria, add club soda just before serving
Scorpio Horoscope: The Month ahead!
Your July Monthly Forecast: When you come to look back over the story of your life, how important will this month seem? Will it be part of the padding or will it contain an integral piece of the plot? Life can easily provide you now, with a straight continuation of a recent scenario. Simply make no changes and no changes will come about. That doesn't mean, though, that you can't make July truly special. You can - without even achieving or accomplishing any great material goal. Just set out to think about things differently and you'll experience magic of a most moving kind.
*I could use a little bit of magic.*
*I could use a little bit of magic.*
“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
(BTW...as a side note, I LOVE that Teri Hatcher's daughter is named Emerson. Such a cool name for a little girl.)
ThE dAy EvErYtHiNg ChAnGeD.......
So......
A month ago.....I got home and couldn't open my back door. It was a Sunday. I don't normally work on Sundays but it was a busy week & made an exception this day. I was tired. Ready to relax....and thinking about dinner. I had no idea that my life as I knew it was about to change.
My door was stuck. I turned the key...but something was blocking the door. I pushed a little harder...and it slid open and I looked down and I saw my husband's face. Covered in blood, eyes rolled up in his head...tougue out....hands in the posturing position....
I thought he was dead.
I'd been dreading this moment for years. He's diabetic. We've been through horrendous low blood sugars together. I've woken up to him *seizing* from a horrible fast crash in his sleep. I've called 911. I've made that 3AM ride to the hospital behind the ambulance. I used to live in fear constantly. That *today* would be the day I'd come home & find him dead. I used to panic anytime he didn't answer his phone.
SOMEWHERE along the line, I made peace with the fact that I can't be with him 24 hours a day & we'd do the best we could. It was that or be even MORE of a mental case I am as a baseline.
So when I opened the door, or course I freaked. You can intellectually *decide* anything, but when the actual moment comes? It's not so easy to process it. I didn't know where all the blood I saw on him was coming from. I didn't know how long the seizure had happend. He had wet himself. His skin was cold, clammy. His tee shirt soaked with sweat. His glasses off. I leaned close and heard breathing. Labored. I called 911. I think three times in the course of 10 mins or so it took for them to get there. A few times he stopped breathing.
It's weird what goes through your head in moments like that.
"Please don't die?"
"Did he have a STROKE?"
"Can he hear me?"
"My house is a mess for the 911 people"
"When were the dogs last let out?"
"Is he going to die?"
"I'm terrified"
"Where are his glasses?"
When the paramedics DID arrive, I've never been so happy to see ANYONE in my life.
They gave him an IV....got his blood sugar back up...but unlike ALL these other times......he did not come back. His eyes stayed rolled up. His tongue stayed out. He continued making animal sounds.
They thought maybe he had had a low blood sugar & his seizure triggored a stroke.
They took his 100 pound body making these crazy sounds and twitches to the ambulance on a tarp.
And suddenly my house was quiet.
I called my sister in law, who later said she couldn't believe how calm I was.
I mopped up the blood.
I didn't know what I would know when I came home & I knew I didn't want that to be the first thing that I saw.
I gathered stuff for him.
His meds.
His PJ's.
A T-shirt
And I made my way to the hospital........
(To be continued....)
A month ago.....I got home and couldn't open my back door. It was a Sunday. I don't normally work on Sundays but it was a busy week & made an exception this day. I was tired. Ready to relax....and thinking about dinner. I had no idea that my life as I knew it was about to change.
My door was stuck. I turned the key...but something was blocking the door. I pushed a little harder...and it slid open and I looked down and I saw my husband's face. Covered in blood, eyes rolled up in his head...tougue out....hands in the posturing position....
I thought he was dead.
I'd been dreading this moment for years. He's diabetic. We've been through horrendous low blood sugars together. I've woken up to him *seizing* from a horrible fast crash in his sleep. I've called 911. I've made that 3AM ride to the hospital behind the ambulance. I used to live in fear constantly. That *today* would be the day I'd come home & find him dead. I used to panic anytime he didn't answer his phone.
SOMEWHERE along the line, I made peace with the fact that I can't be with him 24 hours a day & we'd do the best we could. It was that or be even MORE of a mental case I am as a baseline.
So when I opened the door, or course I freaked. You can intellectually *decide* anything, but when the actual moment comes? It's not so easy to process it. I didn't know where all the blood I saw on him was coming from. I didn't know how long the seizure had happend. He had wet himself. His skin was cold, clammy. His tee shirt soaked with sweat. His glasses off. I leaned close and heard breathing. Labored. I called 911. I think three times in the course of 10 mins or so it took for them to get there. A few times he stopped breathing.
It's weird what goes through your head in moments like that.
"Please don't die?"
"Did he have a STROKE?"
"Can he hear me?"
"My house is a mess for the 911 people"
"When were the dogs last let out?"
"Is he going to die?"
"I'm terrified"
"Where are his glasses?"
When the paramedics DID arrive, I've never been so happy to see ANYONE in my life.
They gave him an IV....got his blood sugar back up...but unlike ALL these other times......he did not come back. His eyes stayed rolled up. His tongue stayed out. He continued making animal sounds.
They thought maybe he had had a low blood sugar & his seizure triggored a stroke.
They took his 100 pound body making these crazy sounds and twitches to the ambulance on a tarp.
And suddenly my house was quiet.
I called my sister in law, who later said she couldn't believe how calm I was.
I mopped up the blood.
I didn't know what I would know when I came home & I knew I didn't want that to be the first thing that I saw.
I gathered stuff for him.
His meds.
His PJ's.
A T-shirt
And I made my way to the hospital........
(To be continued....)
Don't Answer Me......... A song for when I wake up at 3 AM with my head spinning from earlier events.
Today he told me to leave. *"Get the fuck out"* actually. Claims he is going to escape his rehab place. He said that I don't want him home. He called me a fucking asshole. He wouldn't listen to me. I brought the dog to see him. Brain damage or not....I'm not visiting him for three days. I feel as though I'm wearing myself out for nothing.
Friday, July 1, 2011
OMG....I need to SMILE!
A Song for ME.....cuz I want it!!
"You know that I'm a crazy bitch, I do what I want when I feel like it."
I love Avril. And I would LOVE to have green hair right now!!!!!
"You know that I'm a crazy bitch, I do what I want when I feel like it."
I love Avril. And I would LOVE to have green hair right now!!!!!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
It's only WEDNESDAY???
I am sunburned, and sleepy. I weeded all day, then went to the nursing home & got a brat dinner with hubs. He is convinced tomorrow there will be a "hearing' held to discuss his release this weekend, and according to HIM...all looks ok. But according to the nurses we aren't at that point yet.
I try to be as honest with him as i can...but...I don't know....he's not even wanting to listen to the honesty.
*Yawning sooo much.*
Will have to blog about this later.
I try to be as honest with him as i can...but...I don't know....he's not even wanting to listen to the honesty.
*Yawning sooo much.*
Will have to blog about this later.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
People on the internet.....
In a new study by Northwestern University, researchers found that people who regularly leave obnoxious anonymous comments on the Internet get the same rush as people get from getting DRUNK.
The effect of being an anonymous a-hole actually triggers the same area of the brain as people who get drunk . . . or who experience moments of POWER.News.com.au
Read more: People Who Leave Obnoxious Comments on the Internet Get the Same Feeling as Being Drunk http://mix1065fm.radio.com/2011/06/24/people-who-leave-obnoxious-comments-on-the-internet-get-the-same-feeling-as-being-drunk/#ixzz1QR2PRGxv
Ohhhh. BIG suprise THERE.
Powerless people getting rushes from hurting people annonymously with their lame words can feel like they are *somebody* in a world where the are their usual loser selves. *SHOCK!!*
The effect of being an anonymous a-hole actually triggers the same area of the brain as people who get drunk . . . or who experience moments of POWER.News.com.au
Read more: People Who Leave Obnoxious Comments on the Internet Get the Same Feeling as Being Drunk http://mix1065fm.radio.com/2011/06/24/people-who-leave-obnoxious-comments-on-the-internet-get-the-same-feeling-as-being-drunk/#ixzz1QR2PRGxv
Ohhhh. BIG suprise THERE.
Powerless people getting rushes from hurting people annonymously with their lame words can feel like they are *somebody* in a world where the are their usual loser selves. *SHOCK!!*
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Today's Horoscope:
Remember Phil Silvers? He played Sergeant Bilko in the old TV show. And for the rest of his life, everywhere he went, people saluted. And what about William Shatner, once the Captain of the Enterprise, always a star of Star Trek? Animals, though, are less easily typecast. The cat who played the Pink Panther previously enjoyed a long career as Tom, in Tom and Jerry. Well, okay then, not really. The point is, though, that it is all too easy to become associated with a particular persona. But if you now wish to change, you can.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Deeeeep Thoughts While Gardening......
Yeaaaaaaah. Scary.
I mean, I have spent my WHOLE life trying to find ways to NOT have to sit quietly and listen to my own brain. Running, talking on the phone, listening to my ipod, POSTING!, reading, writing, ANYTHING from having to do that.
Yeah, well, spend a seven hour day strictly weeding! I seriously have nothing else to BUT listen to my brain. It's weird to sit there for that long, all by myself and just let thoughts and feelings come & go. Kinda like meditating with movement. That's why I always loved running. I mean, I can never sit STILL long enough to meditate. I end up thinking "CRAMP in my foot! SHIT! Let it go. Think blank thoughts....."
So...we do this thing called "Deadheading". Yeah, it's NOT the same thing as my college room mate and her hippy music & patchuli smell. It's where you pull a dying blossom off a plant. Like, a flower as it starts to wilt. And I assumed it was for cosmetic reasons. Get the yucky looking dying stuff off. Well at lunch this woman that actually TALKS to the plants when she works (She's a WHOLE other blog) told me we don't just do it for cosmetic reasons. The dying bloom takes away nutrients and energy from the rest of the plant. In order for the plant to be fuller & healthier, and to GROW you have to remove the dying part of it.
So AFTER lunch I was sent back to weed for another four hours and I was thinking....hell if that doesn't apply to alot of things. I have issues letting go of things. I hold onto things by my fingernails....resentments, anger, pain, old feelings, old hurts. They are my armor. I sometimes think I draw strength from them in some fucked up way. I hang on to those dead and dying blooms in my life and they are robbing me from becoming healthier & fuller right NOW. I need to deadhead things that I'm hanging onto.
And then as I weed I notice how that's kinda the same thing. All this little shit you pull up because it's invading the garden. Some of them are little and you feel like you are just sitting there picking & picking & others have these deep roots you have to use a digger to to get out. And if you don't pull out the whole root, if you don't spend the time to REALLY get it out of the garden...it's gonna grow RIGHT back and possibly even BIGGER. Kinda like that stuff you try to push down and pretend everything is fine, but it's still there.
And then at the end of the day I look in my bucket I carry around and it's fully of the blooms I pulled off that looked kinda grody on the plant, put mixed in with the green weeds, dandalions & bright colors of pink & purple & red & yellow it looks like a really pretty collage. Those are like memories. The good ones. The ones you get to keep when you take a step back and let go of things.
So yeah.....tomorrow I PROMISE to bring my Ipod to work and listen to podcasts or audio books. Because too much time with myself results in weirdo blogs.
I mean, I have spent my WHOLE life trying to find ways to NOT have to sit quietly and listen to my own brain. Running, talking on the phone, listening to my ipod, POSTING!, reading, writing, ANYTHING from having to do that.
Yeah, well, spend a seven hour day strictly weeding! I seriously have nothing else to BUT listen to my brain. It's weird to sit there for that long, all by myself and just let thoughts and feelings come & go. Kinda like meditating with movement. That's why I always loved running. I mean, I can never sit STILL long enough to meditate. I end up thinking "CRAMP in my foot! SHIT! Let it go. Think blank thoughts....."
So...we do this thing called "Deadheading". Yeah, it's NOT the same thing as my college room mate and her hippy music & patchuli smell. It's where you pull a dying blossom off a plant. Like, a flower as it starts to wilt. And I assumed it was for cosmetic reasons. Get the yucky looking dying stuff off. Well at lunch this woman that actually TALKS to the plants when she works (She's a WHOLE other blog) told me we don't just do it for cosmetic reasons. The dying bloom takes away nutrients and energy from the rest of the plant. In order for the plant to be fuller & healthier, and to GROW you have to remove the dying part of it.
So AFTER lunch I was sent back to weed for another four hours and I was thinking....hell if that doesn't apply to alot of things. I have issues letting go of things. I hold onto things by my fingernails....resentments, anger, pain, old feelings, old hurts. They are my armor. I sometimes think I draw strength from them in some fucked up way. I hang on to those dead and dying blooms in my life and they are robbing me from becoming healthier & fuller right NOW. I need to deadhead things that I'm hanging onto.
And then as I weed I notice how that's kinda the same thing. All this little shit you pull up because it's invading the garden. Some of them are little and you feel like you are just sitting there picking & picking & others have these deep roots you have to use a digger to to get out. And if you don't pull out the whole root, if you don't spend the time to REALLY get it out of the garden...it's gonna grow RIGHT back and possibly even BIGGER. Kinda like that stuff you try to push down and pretend everything is fine, but it's still there.
And then at the end of the day I look in my bucket I carry around and it's fully of the blooms I pulled off that looked kinda grody on the plant, put mixed in with the green weeds, dandalions & bright colors of pink & purple & red & yellow it looks like a really pretty collage. Those are like memories. The good ones. The ones you get to keep when you take a step back and let go of things.
So yeah.....tomorrow I PROMISE to bring my Ipod to work and listen to podcasts or audio books. Because too much time with myself results in weirdo blogs.
Losing My Ambition?
A little over eight months ago I was laid off.
Corporate restructuring due to a merger.
Up until that point...I considered myself pretty ambitious, although at the time it happend I was reaching burnout.
When I was 22 I got a job answering phones. I considered it a foot in the door when I only had waitress experience. I was one of the most annoying receptionists ever once I mastered it since I didn't want to STAY there. I'd take on anything, work faster than anyone, jump in anytime there was a problem and take on anything I could. I was promoted to a secretary postion, then to a coordinator, then supervisor, then manager. When there was no where to move up where I applied & got a job at a far bigger employer & had 25 people reporting to me & several locations I was responsible for. I had a pager. I was on call 24/7. I lived my life in alot of meetings. I worked long, late days.
My consuming job served an excellent purpose. I was too busy to pay too close attention to my marriage that was slowly going in the dumper It was a safe way to feel important and a good way to hide from life & feel rewarded for it.A strong work ethic is appreciated in the coorporate world. People listened to me. I felt in control & proud & like everything I had worked so hard for was happening.
But eventually..like anything when you lead an unbalanced life...it started to feel less rewarding. I began to feel as if...no matter HOW hard I worked I wasn't doing as well as I should. If I was doing well on my projects, I wasn't spending enough time on my employees. If I focused on my employees, I'd fell behind on my projects. I just had too much on my plate and as fast as I tried to delegate, I got more. And even with delegation, I was still responsible and had to do alot of follow up just making sure that it actually got done. My employees that I tried so hard to take care of all had lives OUTSIDE of that place, but i felt like I was slowly losing mine & when I DID try to re-enter it I'd find I really wasn't happy in it anymore and I'd hide behind more work. I'd go in early and work late. I was the one to lock up every night. To the point that nobody remembered to lock the door when I wasn't in the office because I was always the one to do it.
I didn't have anything new to work towards after 5 years in that position and when the day came that I was let go, about a week AFTER...I had no pager...the shock had warn off...and I had quiet for the first time in a LONG time and I realized that I hadn't been happy there for a while.
I half ass applied for some things, went on some interveiws, even turned some stuff down for different reasons....they didn't feel like the right fit or didn't offer what I needed in terms of compensation or benefits.
In the mean time, I've been working in Landscaping & Plant Maintinence as something to do. It started as a means to get out of the house, to get outside, to move around. Nine monthes later (with some time off over the cold winters)...I'm still doing it.
While I'm not challenged intellectually...and I do miss that...there is so much I'm enjoying about it. It is SO opposite of what I was doing before. I went from wearing skirts and heels, makeup, hair done every day to wearing workboots, cargo pants, tshirts, a baseball cap & a pony tail and no makeup. I wake up, put on my clothes and GO. NO putzing. I ALWAYS loved dressing up for work & looking cute, I wouldn't even dress the way I do for work NOW on the WEEKENDS back in the day.
I can remember...towards the end at my last job sitting in my office looking out the window at the people working on the lawn. It was gorgeous day out and I had come in early and I knew I wouldn't be leaving until late & wouldn't get to enjoy the outdoors. I remember thinking "They are so lucky". Like they say....be careful what you wish for!
When I started at THIS job, I'd barley ever gotten my hands dirty. There is a quote from the movie Cold Mountain that always makes me laugh. Nicole Kidman says "I can talk about farming in Latin. I can read French. I can lace up a corset, God knows. I can name the principal rivers in Europe, just don't ask me to name one stream in this county! I can embroider but I can't darn! I can arrange cut flowers but I can't grow them! If a thing has a function, if I might *do* something with it, then it wasn't considered suitable!" That always kinda reminded me of myself. I grew up with a cleaning lady, a lawn boy. When I started and i was told to roll a hose i was like "Oh, I can't do that". And I was told "Honey, ya better LEARN". It took me FOREVER and I twisted myself all up in it. I was SORE for WEEKS after starting. All the moving & bending & being outside. Trying to determine what was a plant & what was a weed.
But like anything...when you are determined, you learn. I told myself that this spoiled brat was gonna learn this. I needed to prove to myself that i could. That there was more to me that the spoiled little princess I've been. I got stronger physically. I got used to spending long hours on my own. I went through ENTIRE days without checking my lipstick. LOL. I got dirt under my nails and sprayed in the face with a hose when I turned the wrong nob. I worked in freezing cold rain, and now more recently in the heat. I work the gardens with rich people's pets sitting next to me. LOL. There's the outdoor cat Lucy that i share my cheesy poofs with at lunch. When i work at that site she stays three feet from me the whole time & watches me & meows. The two designer sheep dog at another place lay down next to me and put their toys in my bucket wanting me to play. Last week I looked up & saw a deer five feet from me. We looked at each other for a few mins before she ran away.
Another part of what I do is water indoor plants at an office building. It's SUCH a change from what I did. It's a corporate office like I used to work in, only now when I'm there I feel partly invisible. Where i used to try to take the path of least visibility to not get stopped by SOMEONE with a question, I can now go in offices while people hold meetings and they don't even notice me. And I LIKE the feeling. There's a weird peace to it. The other day...I had to water a plant that is in a box on top of a cubical divider and in order to do it I had to climb on top of a desk. When I stood up there i could see ALL the little cubes from up high. All people in their cubes working....no natural light...NONE of them look happy...the only decent thing THERE seemed to be the plants. I thought to myself "They look like rats in a cage."
I'm not sure that i want to go back to that.
Right now, I get to work with LIFE. Plants, animals...fresh air...things that are ALIVE.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, or what the point of all this is...just that I'm not the same person i was nine monthes ago. I don't know if I'm losing my ambition, or giving up...I KNOW I have potential to do so much more, I'm still applying for work in my field...but I don't know that I WANT to.
I'm still figuring it out I guess.
Corporate restructuring due to a merger.
Up until that point...I considered myself pretty ambitious, although at the time it happend I was reaching burnout.
When I was 22 I got a job answering phones. I considered it a foot in the door when I only had waitress experience. I was one of the most annoying receptionists ever once I mastered it since I didn't want to STAY there. I'd take on anything, work faster than anyone, jump in anytime there was a problem and take on anything I could. I was promoted to a secretary postion, then to a coordinator, then supervisor, then manager. When there was no where to move up where I applied & got a job at a far bigger employer & had 25 people reporting to me & several locations I was responsible for. I had a pager. I was on call 24/7. I lived my life in alot of meetings. I worked long, late days.
My consuming job served an excellent purpose. I was too busy to pay too close attention to my marriage that was slowly going in the dumper It was a safe way to feel important and a good way to hide from life & feel rewarded for it.A strong work ethic is appreciated in the coorporate world. People listened to me. I felt in control & proud & like everything I had worked so hard for was happening.
But eventually..like anything when you lead an unbalanced life...it started to feel less rewarding. I began to feel as if...no matter HOW hard I worked I wasn't doing as well as I should. If I was doing well on my projects, I wasn't spending enough time on my employees. If I focused on my employees, I'd fell behind on my projects. I just had too much on my plate and as fast as I tried to delegate, I got more. And even with delegation, I was still responsible and had to do alot of follow up just making sure that it actually got done. My employees that I tried so hard to take care of all had lives OUTSIDE of that place, but i felt like I was slowly losing mine & when I DID try to re-enter it I'd find I really wasn't happy in it anymore and I'd hide behind more work. I'd go in early and work late. I was the one to lock up every night. To the point that nobody remembered to lock the door when I wasn't in the office because I was always the one to do it.
I didn't have anything new to work towards after 5 years in that position and when the day came that I was let go, about a week AFTER...I had no pager...the shock had warn off...and I had quiet for the first time in a LONG time and I realized that I hadn't been happy there for a while.
I half ass applied for some things, went on some interveiws, even turned some stuff down for different reasons....they didn't feel like the right fit or didn't offer what I needed in terms of compensation or benefits.
In the mean time, I've been working in Landscaping & Plant Maintinence as something to do. It started as a means to get out of the house, to get outside, to move around. Nine monthes later (with some time off over the cold winters)...I'm still doing it.
While I'm not challenged intellectually...and I do miss that...there is so much I'm enjoying about it. It is SO opposite of what I was doing before. I went from wearing skirts and heels, makeup, hair done every day to wearing workboots, cargo pants, tshirts, a baseball cap & a pony tail and no makeup. I wake up, put on my clothes and GO. NO putzing. I ALWAYS loved dressing up for work & looking cute, I wouldn't even dress the way I do for work NOW on the WEEKENDS back in the day.
I can remember...towards the end at my last job sitting in my office looking out the window at the people working on the lawn. It was gorgeous day out and I had come in early and I knew I wouldn't be leaving until late & wouldn't get to enjoy the outdoors. I remember thinking "They are so lucky". Like they say....be careful what you wish for!
When I started at THIS job, I'd barley ever gotten my hands dirty. There is a quote from the movie Cold Mountain that always makes me laugh. Nicole Kidman says "I can talk about farming in Latin. I can read French. I can lace up a corset, God knows. I can name the principal rivers in Europe, just don't ask me to name one stream in this county! I can embroider but I can't darn! I can arrange cut flowers but I can't grow them! If a thing has a function, if I might *do* something with it, then it wasn't considered suitable!" That always kinda reminded me of myself. I grew up with a cleaning lady, a lawn boy. When I started and i was told to roll a hose i was like "Oh, I can't do that". And I was told "Honey, ya better LEARN". It took me FOREVER and I twisted myself all up in it. I was SORE for WEEKS after starting. All the moving & bending & being outside. Trying to determine what was a plant & what was a weed.
But like anything...when you are determined, you learn. I told myself that this spoiled brat was gonna learn this. I needed to prove to myself that i could. That there was more to me that the spoiled little princess I've been. I got stronger physically. I got used to spending long hours on my own. I went through ENTIRE days without checking my lipstick. LOL. I got dirt under my nails and sprayed in the face with a hose when I turned the wrong nob. I worked in freezing cold rain, and now more recently in the heat. I work the gardens with rich people's pets sitting next to me. LOL. There's the outdoor cat Lucy that i share my cheesy poofs with at lunch. When i work at that site she stays three feet from me the whole time & watches me & meows. The two designer sheep dog at another place lay down next to me and put their toys in my bucket wanting me to play. Last week I looked up & saw a deer five feet from me. We looked at each other for a few mins before she ran away.
Another part of what I do is water indoor plants at an office building. It's SUCH a change from what I did. It's a corporate office like I used to work in, only now when I'm there I feel partly invisible. Where i used to try to take the path of least visibility to not get stopped by SOMEONE with a question, I can now go in offices while people hold meetings and they don't even notice me. And I LIKE the feeling. There's a weird peace to it. The other day...I had to water a plant that is in a box on top of a cubical divider and in order to do it I had to climb on top of a desk. When I stood up there i could see ALL the little cubes from up high. All people in their cubes working....no natural light...NONE of them look happy...the only decent thing THERE seemed to be the plants. I thought to myself "They look like rats in a cage."
I'm not sure that i want to go back to that.
Right now, I get to work with LIFE. Plants, animals...fresh air...things that are ALIVE.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, or what the point of all this is...just that I'm not the same person i was nine monthes ago. I don't know if I'm losing my ambition, or giving up...I KNOW I have potential to do so much more, I'm still applying for work in my field...but I don't know that I WANT to.
I'm still figuring it out I guess.
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